week 5- Vera and Franco

Week 5 Franco and Vera ( with David and Emily )

Is it cheating to have another dinner date so close to the last one?Had just barely finished a meal with Paddy

and having another two days later. Having thought of my criteria- every week , well no it doesn't fall in but 

considering the overall vision of meeting up with people I rarely get to see then Vera and Franco fall under 

that category. And especially in the recent circumstances of the sudden and unexpected death of Vera's 

mother and my zia Gina.

Speaking of mothers I had one of those unfortunate days with my own mother. She and my father at marital 

loggerheads over all these years. Today was one of those last straws for me and I found myself shouting 

veraciously at both of them at their mutually assured destructive behaviour. This camel's back has severe strain. 

This is only days after both of them attending the funeral ceremony of Gina where I swear I saw them both 

shake hands in peace but now I only put down to either a trick of the light or the weakness of their 

religious faith.


It was from the despair of this afternoon's shouting match which guided me to reconnect with my cousins 

and eventually led me to ring Franco and Vera. Franco answered and in his affectionate Argentinian accent 

invited me over for dinner which I somewhat tried not accept too readily for fear of appearing too needy. 

I am proud to say that Franco is my Godfather. I chose him as an 8 or 9 year old for my communion.

At the time he was courting Vera and he was not only unusual in the fact he was from a strange country 

like Argentina but he was also very tall. Six foot four at least. But more importantly from the eyes of an 9 

year old I saw his gentleness, humour and his ability to be passionate and humble at the same time.

 Seeing him now through my 50 year old eyes I can safely say that I had made the right decision. His humour 

and ability to make playful remarks has the same balance of the childlike and the wiseman. He offered me 

red wine and thatalways promises more play to ensue.
 
Vera on the other hand is a straight shooter, no nonsense person yet her humour is made apparent by her

appreciation of my quips and of Franco's but she does calls "time out" for common sense to prevail and

anyway  with Vera her humour is dry so it flies under the radar. I can strangely see her as a stand up comedian, 

comfortable in her skin, understated, dry yet acutely astute in her observations. Anyway all I can say is that

they are people I respect so much and the only way I could tell them is by hugging them. The hug lingered a

little longer. Gina was a wonderful woman, mother , with a lovely humour, a great cook and a positive person.
 
We were awaiting their son David to arrive from work and his Fiancé Emilywas already there learning the art

of meatball making. I found out that she lectures positive psychology , comes from Boston and Sandiego

and has a mother in hospital miraculously recovering  from a fall sustained while walking her pet terrier.
With David arriving we are set for a wonderful meal. Vera is a great cook and she made a lentil soup that was,

I bet, specifically designed to cure David of his flu. I don't know David very well - haven't seen him grow up,

been the witness of his milestones, whatever they may have been. That's how distant I have been. I did remind 

them of a photograph of me kissing David as a 2 year old at a family picnic which would look a little "pedo"

now. Emily was keen to see it. Not withstanding David's fluey state his humour was intact and joined in the joke.

Franco was still calling me Perce as I was known back before I reverted back to Pasqualino when I left high school.

He acknowledged his own cousins he hasn't seen for years- it's simple when you make the time. It seems like

we all make the time to see each other when someone dies so why not set aside the time when we are alive.
 
Discussion took a course of David and Emily settling in America, our respective jobs and which Emily announced

that she was going to Franco's work to see what he does  mainly because this person wants to be part of her new

family's life. Somehow Franco's job as a toolmaker naturally for me brought up the subject of 3 d printers which 

I was amazed that only I and Emily had heard of. It felt surreal -in relating their existence I somehow felt like that 

a sci- fi guy from the future travelling back into time announcing weird and wonderful technologies. If we took the

same trip back to when I was that 9 year old kid then everything wasn't invented. The only hi technologies was a

three in one stereo system of turntable cassette and radio.
 
But the tables turned and I got equally shocked of zia Gina's entry into the celebrity cook world. Vera showed me 

nanny Gina's meatball recipe in Julie Goodwin's ( masterchef) cookbook. Sometimes the Past is more shocking 

than the future. Franco 
 
It was a wonderful night. Vera handing me a plate of frozen meatballs along with a recipe for nanny Gina's. 

Franco arm around my shoulder leading me out to my car- telling me to take care, having just told me how 

much he misses his mother in law, Gina. Makes perfect sense for a man who lost his father when he was 22 

and his mother in the 1980's.I feel so lucky to have family like this , grateful that this is part of my bedrock and

the regrets of not keeping up and in touch is overwhelmed of how strong it can actually be.

Week 4- Paddy

Week 4- Paddy 

18th August 2013, Manjit's, Corrimal

 

It's always strike me how much politics there is in the ordinary things of life. Bringing up children, making a garden- creating a morally sustainable existence - it's not all smooth sailing. There is always something or someone else's values which somehow make what you want to achieve more difficult. Paddy is the true exponent of this political activity I think. I've known Paddy for a while- like other people I know from the Illawarra - she's an enigmatic being even though she wears her heart on her sleeve.
We went to Manjit's Indian restaurant at Corrimal for dinner - it was my choice which happened to be one of her favourite restaurants.  I wasn't sure whether this was a "date". She put a little more effort than me dress wise. Paddy definitely has better dress sense.So it is comparing style versus tidiness.  What is a date anyway other than an interview to discover each others values. It can be a political event. From choosing the seating,inside or out on the balcony. Who orders the meal, the male or the female. The fact we know each other made this "date" a little less daunting but if it was I was struck by the roles  that were readily being assigned from the waiter, other patrons ,the cosmos and ourselves. Here's the thing ...once we quickly and mutually agreed that a bottle of red merlot would be ordered, ceremoniously poured by the waiter and tentatively sipped throughout the sumptuous meal our thoughts,feelings, personal and family history, professional goals, shocking gossip, parental issues  all seamlessly revealed themselves like a well choreographed dance to the beat of incessant chatter from the next table all under the glare of an overhead heater.

I learnt Paddy's leftist political leanings were somewhat inspired by her right leaning parents. Mother introduced her to the young liberals when she and her values was still seen as malleable and ready for privatisation.  Lucky for humanity Paddy quickly saw and rebelled- we agreed that if you really followed a long term capitalist view of returning the best economic return then you would naturally be drawn towards the renewable and sustainable technologies. We agreed that greed is the most likely motivator for the right..suck the earth dry and spit out the pip in the eyes of the struggling!!
But beyond politics we changed the course of discussion to our respective change of careers. The whys and wherefores in how I got into nursing and Paddy studying midwifery. I am still amazed that I have become a nurse- it feels the most natural thing to do after years of struggling with the idea of " what I want to be". It offers so much scope and I did share that one day I could find myself in a rural hospital or even overseas searching for meaning and connectedness to other people being the prime motivators. Paddy could see the same thing for herself. She said she was amazed how she even got into midwifery course being so sought after  but, from knowing Paddy , I could see she has the determination and drive to make the difference in people's lives.I was pretty impressed by her ability to conjure up realities from affirmation. Presently, she is working on getting enough money to go to Asia.

A few more sips and gossip slips out- parental issues, the consequences of following one's hormones and what that has brought to our respective lives. What base level of morality people reach to make their own self esteem feel more polished and bright. I despise injustice, I crave peace and avoid conflict - not great characteristics. But here we were discussing children, as the adults they were becoming and it had to be asked .. Where did that time go?

Even on the drive back from the restaurant Paddy managed to share more of her personal life. The manner in which she offered, spoke of her trust in me and maybe a little of the amount of red wine she consumed. There's a line when an acquaintance turns into friendliness. Paddy's trust and  the willingness  to step over that line always risks becoming vulnerable. Wearing your heart on your sleeve is a humanitarian and eventually a political act.  Becoming the change you want to see occur in the world takes values, courage and constant affirmation. It's something I struggle with - do I let people in my world? I think I do but obviously  I edit, filter and sanitise. I SPIN ( Seeing  Positive In Negativity ) and SNIP ( Seeing   Negativity  In Positive). I suppose if one of those truths were to be revealed  it would be the sad case that I , except under the inducement of hormones, have never really ever being in love- never actually been seen for what I feel I really am..Not sure if that is attainable but I do think that truly knowing yourself lends itself to attracting like minded and like hearted people.

I am very grateful for Paddy being in my circle of friends - strong, compassionate, fearless- I await and support her making more waves. I came out from our dinner date  feeling like a sister in both sense of the words.

Week 3- Thanassis

Week 3 UNION HOTEL, Newtown ( 11th August 2013 )

Thanassis is a co-member of Sydney Playback theatre. I have known him for years but it's always been around the world of Playback. As it happens the only time we could have our "date" was after our playback public performance. I had suggested we meet prior to the public but Thanassis is preparing to fly to Greece in a few days time and had a lot on his plate. So besides Thanassis and myself at the Union Hotel for a meal and a beer there was also Michael, Judy, Mariana, Johanna, Peter and Deborah. I wouldn't call them our entourage but for the sake of entertainment and self grandioseness I will say that they were our groupies;) The atmosphere was noisy , cheerful and Michael was sipping from the champagne glass of classic conducting- it was agreed all round the table it was a most excellent show.

An atmospheric turneresque group photo at Union Hotel

 

Thanassis is an enigma. He has a computer technology background, studied at UCLA doing improvisation classes- an agile and passionate improviser and generally a nice guy. His Greek accented words scramble out  of his mouth like there are a thousand contradictory ideas all equally important to express. What he can't express in words his hands and his facial expressions attempt to footnote. I haven't seen him lose his temper or get shirty once. Just the frustration of not able to give life its fullest description and the respect it deserves. He might shrug his shoulder, tilt his head and raise his hands and and give a beseeching smile.Unlike myself who is mostly brooding or keeping it at bay. Thanassis is the type of guy that will weigh up the shit in life but always mindful to wear gloves and goggles. I found out that he lost his father to pancreatic cancer when he was 16 years old. That he is the eldest by 2 years of his only other sibling , a brother who lives in US who works as an engineer. We both have and shared stories about not getting on perfectly with our brothers. A sad case of when relationships go awry.

I broached him about his new girlfriend. I am always interested in how people actually get together especially at an older age when one gets set in the blancmange of one's life. Thanassis is coy, and  answers like a philosopher and politician. Weighing up the obvious joy with the wariness that any relationship can turn into shit at a moment's notice. Kids? He loves kids but. I could see he was loving the idea of becoming a father one day but.... and you can see him weighing..... there's all these things to consider... bringing another child into the world.. would he consider adopting? Yyyeeesss..yes.. That's Thanassis, first weighing up and then committing somehow still carrying and weighing the burden of proof.

I found out he is 10 years younger than me . He turning 40, me 50... I'm not sure if I actually felt older. Thanassis is an " old soul" . I don't actually know what that means but I suppose it means he's seen a lot of shit. I found out that his birthday, 17th November 1973, was the final day of a 3 day uprising against the Greek military junta. 83 dead, 1.100 people wounded. Something Thanassis says his mother recounts to him constantly . Born into conflict, a bloody milestone of Modern Greek history. Maybe that's why he is more acutely cognisant of what it means to bring a new being into this world.

I am grateful I have Thanassis in my life. He represents the younger brother I would have liked to have had. In fact he played my mother tonight to my 3 year old girl.

Outside the Union Hotel, Thanassis and myself  on our "mandate";)

 Week 2 :  Dan & Ann  ( with Val, Olaf & Heidi )

I was in the middle of  a dream- a bad one. Well, not bad but one of those complicated dreams where reality and surreality merged. I had to think and decide what to do and there were consequences to my actions. So not like a dream more like real life! Ah but the phone rang me out of my turmoil and it was Dan calling me to breakfast- Pancakes at Ann and Dan's . or D'Anncakes. Made a quck exit from bed to dress and buy some little extravagances like raspberrries, blueberries and  goat cheese.

Val , Ann's sister was there, who i know from a previous life as a disability worker from DADHC with her children, Emille and Molly.  Minna, Dan and Ann's precocious 3 year old,  had made a brief cameo appearance before retiring to a fun bath with Molly. Emille like all newly birthdated 12 year olds kept a distance from the oldies.

I have known Ann for some time now - Can't carbon date the initial acquaintance but it would have been close around the time when I moved down to the gong in 1996 or there soon after. She is the social magnet of the Illawarra- everyone either knows Ann or has some connection with someone she knows. Deeply committed to community and is the eternal optimist. Involved with Music, music therapy and we shared some time at Sydney Playback theater back in the day.

I have known Dan pretty much since Ann and Dan got together. It was Ann's 30th Birthday, I believe and it was somewhere in the blue mountains. Well that was some 10 years ago now and they have been married twice here and in Norway. Still not sure if they've paid the caterers over there. They must have been very causal in receiving their payment or they just knew that these two are good as their word. Optimism and  Trustworthiness , are  two big virtues in this world to possess.

Dan , known previously as a bricklayer who battled TAFE and Uni to become an architect amazes me in how he has handled those academic and Dadacemic pursuits.

I am grateful in being their friends and it made more so in that with all good friendships you are allowed to be yourself without judgements.

Breakfast was pure ans simple pancakes , lemon , sugar and with the berries exquisite. Dan makes a mean pancake and the coffee perked me up.

Val is always the dry and wry humourist. I will always remember the 2000 olympics where I worked at DADHC office at Leichhardt. Val works as an OT and one of the instigators of the Office Olympics.. I had just returned from Wales and finding my feet. I think I did well in the long jump.  

Now she is having her house painted by Newtown artists. Presently , she is planning a fund raiser for breast cancer walk . Heidi - amazing hula hoop woman -made a cameo appearance to discuss same. I had made suggestions that I'd invite her to my election/50th birthday bash.. Olaf also made an appearance .. Dad to Ann and Val..

Overall a superb way of waking up to a perfectly sunny winter Sunday.

 

Who will be next in the 3rd week.. stay tuned ;)

Week 1- Rob & Mel

Becoming 50 aint too bad.. it's a bit of a laugh , nothing more than a number - its the new 40, and that was 10 years ago! How bad could that be ? 10 years off the inevitable . the inevitable , unenviable inevitable. Vita! surrounded by my life I have arrived at the conclusion that time is limited and in my way of altering the inevitable I have mad a sort of commitment to spend time with friends , different friends , each week , to break bread, to make a happening. Just to touch base , to say I really appreciate you are in my life. It was my birthday on the 22nd July , It was marked by the birth of George Alexander Louis Windsor. We will always have something in common now. I will be his age + 50years and he will be my age - 50 years. I felt pretty low on my birthday. Really didn't expect that someone special in my life would have overlooked it  no matter  how difficult our present situation had been. In a way it is a blessing because when life gives you a dilemma then its time to make the dilemma-nade. Mel and Rob came to my rescue and invited me over for dinner and a day after birthday celebration with one big candle on a double chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream and a rendition of  happy birthday  which sounded more like the mournful chants of rebirthers connecting back to the mother's womb than the saccharine tune it was meant to be. Their 2 sons were a refreshing reminder that teenagers can be human, humane and humbly humorous . The fizzysist joke will stand out. And a special thanks for Eliona who gave me a bottle of wine " the Jester" to lubricate the evening. The night reminded me that I do have friends  who care and it's high time I get to care back!
So in my mind I will imagine I have had a diagnosis of cancer on the cusp of leo and visit or invite them to spend some time with me.